dreams...

I have had the most restless sleep tonight. I dreamed that Lily was taken. She just disappeared. I knew someone had stolen her. I kept thinking of her big brown eyes and how I would never be able to look at them again. It was the worst sorrow
imaginable. I was hurting so much. Then I woke up to her screaming from her bedroom. She had a nightmare too. In fact she's still awake. I don't ever want to feel that loss in my life. It's almost unbearable, and I got to wake up from it. I can't imagine a time when it won't be a dream. After I tended to Lily I drifted off to sleep again. I started to dream about my mom and it's thanksgiving again. She came out and I could tell she doesn't feel good. She tells me it's her heart. I then start to feel that same sadness. I think to myself 'Who will I have to talk too?'. Atticus woke me up to eat then. I hate these feelings. I don't handle it well. I like my life, it doesn't hurt anymore. Then the reality is that EVERY person I love is going to die. Myself included.